IT FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME

Ok. I used to be a "closing time" kinda gal. I honestly can say that I heard "LAST CALL" more times than I can count. Those were the days. Taking an hour or so to get ready to go out, including spraying on the perfect scent to attract the opposite sex only to spend the next 5-6 hours in a bar that smelled like an ashtray that had been hosed down with Bud Light. However, since turning 30...that has not been me!

This weekend, I relived part of my past at my girlfriend's awesome birthday party. I walked in and hit the bar running. 6 caramel apples and 7 shots of various flavors later I had no idea where I was. It was kind of interesting to reminisce about how it used to be.

A wretched hangover and with just 3 hours sleep under my belt, I got up and went about my day...falling asleep at 5:00 p.m. for about 3 minutes. I will take sleep over booze and partying. But I have to say that the partying and booze do make for an interesting day after with my children.

Mirth & Merriment....and lots of rest and water!!!!

Don't Stop Believing.....

Friday is finally here and weather-wise it looks to be an amazing weekend. A long weekend, too. Memorial Day weekend has memories for me that I would like to forget, but they will be with me always. It was one year ago that I began one of the worst two weeks of my life. As a mother, I would like to think that I can handle anything, but what occurred a year ago, tested my faith in not only a God that would allow a child to suffer but tested my faith in myself as a parent.

Our oldest twinlet, Our Queen Bean had not been feeling well. Medical history, she had a UTI (urinary tract infection) at just 3 months and after a battery of tests, it was determined that there was nothing wrong with her. They gave her the antibiotics and she recovered quickly. Cut to her now being about 15 months. A fever of 102 starts to freak me out where my kids are concerned. I gave her Tylenol, the fever went away but came right back. I gave her Motrin. The fever went away but came right back. We went to Urgent Care where they diagnosed her with another UTI. I was actually relieved. We had been there, done that before...no big deal. Give her the shots and send us home. That is exactly what they did. It was only after that she wasn't eating or drinking.

On that Friday, the new X-men movie was opening so my husband took our older 2 and I stayed home with the girls. Beana was lethargic. She was not eating or drinking anything. Her fever was now at 103.5 and I was lying on the floor behind her watching t.v., trying to comfort her as much as I could. When the gang got home from the movie, my husband asked how long her face had been swollen like that? I was not looking at her face, so I rolled her over and the left side of her neck was swelling...right before our eyes. We knew that this was not normal and we thought that she was having an allergic reaction to the shots that had given her. We grabbed all the kids, little Piglet was in just a diaper and got into the car to get her back to Urgent Care. I was driving, the entire time thinking to myself that there really wasn't anything wrong and that we would get her to the hospital and they would fix her up.

Of the top 4 worst memories I have, this is number 1. While I was trying to turn into the parking lot of the hospital, my husband was turned around talking to Beana. As I got to the handicapped parking, I had not stopped the car yet, he opened the door and yelled to the Security Guard that we needed help because our daughter had stopped breathing! What? What did he say? It took me a moment to turn around, the car was not in park, to see her struggling to breathe. He was getting her out of her car seat and he ran, security guard with him, into the emergency room. I was left there. Sitting in a car, while my daughter was fighting for her next breath. I pulled into a parking space, left the oldest one in charge and rushed in. The nurse directed me to a room where my husband sat on a chair, holding our daughter, while they gave her oxygen. She was breathing on her own, but her throat was still swelling up and they were concerned that it would shut down her airway. He handed me my daughter, and I sat, stroking her hair, rocking her back and forth. This is when the praying gets louder in your head. Please don't let her stop breathing, please let her be alright. Please, Please....

The next words out of our Pediatrician's mouth will stay with me for my entire life. He turned to one of the 4 nurses in the room and asked them to get the helicopter to rush us to Children's Hospital in downtown. My God! How bad was this. They did not know what was happening. Nobody could give us an answer as to what was going on. But now they wanted to put her in a helicopter? Please, let her be alright...Please. It was decided to take her, by ambulance, to the nearest hospital, which is where she was born. They loaded me, holding her, onto a gurney and we were put in the ambulance. I was sitting up, looking out the ambulance door to my husband and 3 other children, and my husband's grandmother, who had already gotten there, and I finally began to cry. I watched as my son cried and there was nothing I could do to comfort him. It hurts my heart to think of it now.

We got to the hospital. We were put in the ER. They took blood. They took more blood. They gave her IV fluids. She was hooked up to several machines. And 5 hours later, they let us know that they did not have a Pediatric floor there and that they were now going to send us to another hospital that had a great Pediatric care unit. Our second ambulance trip. We got to the next hospital and were admitted immediately. Still, nobody could explain what was happening to her. Her neck was still swelling and had become hard. You could tell there was something there that hadn't been there before. My parents had come home from a trip to Hawaii around 10 pm and I finally reached them and let them know what was going on. It is always reassuring to hear your Mom's voice when you, as a Mom are suffering.

Four days! We were at this hospital for 4 days! It was a holiday weekend and we were basically told that we probably couldn't see a specialist until Tuesday. WHAT? This is my child here, suffering, not drinking or eating and definitely not herself. My husband's Mom, who is an RN came by, spoke to us about what we needed to do and my husband made our voices heard. We got an MRI and they finally gave us a diagnosis. She had an abscess on her esophagus. Whew. At least we knew what it was. The next few words from the specialist lips, is #3 on the list. She must have surgery, immediately. Surgery? She wasn't even 2 yet. She had to have surgery? They let us know that we were now going to be transferred to Children's Hospital of LA. Finally!

Our 3rd ambulance ride. When we got to CHOLA, we were happily surprised at how much they cared about what was going on with us. You are immediately struck by the look on the parents faces there. It is suffering. We suffer along with our children when they are not well. We saw a surgeon right away. He agreed that she needed surgery, but he wanted to wait to see if the swelling would go down on it's own. They started her on new antibiotics and we waited. Mind you, I had not been home or showered for almost a week. I was exhausted. Exhausted doesn't even describe what I was. I held her at night, praying each minute that I was there that she was going to get better.

It was about 7:30 am when the surgeon came in and said OK, let's operate! I was all alone. I called my husband and told him to get over here. The drive, with traffic would take about an hour and half. At 8:15 they said that it was time to take her to surgery. I called him, again. He was about 1/2 hour away, still.

I sat there, holding her, while they prepped her for surgery. They gave her medication that made her all glossy-eyed and woozy. I held her. I told her that my life was so much better with her in it. I kissed her. I stroked her cheek. I kissed her some more and then they took her from me. This was #1 on my list of worst moments. To have my child, who I carried in my body, who I gave life to, taken from me...not knowing what would happen next. They directed me to a waiting room. I walked out to the main entrance, where my husband rushed in. I collapsed in his arms. I had felt so alone and now that he was there, I could let it all out. We held each other for, what seemed like, hours. We went back to the waiting room. We waited. We tried to talk about something other than our situation. He kept me upbeat. He is great like that!

An hour and a half later, they told us that she had come out of surgery just fine and that we could see her soon. OH MY GOD! What a relief that I was going to touch her again. He called all of our families. I paced around the floor waiting to see her. And then, there she was. With a large white bandage around her neck, still woozy, but opening her eyes. As my tears rolled down my face onto hers, I felt such relief. A feeling that I have not had since then. No burdens. No money problems. No marital discord. Just relief.

So for the next 3 days, she pulled out her IV twice, she drank her bottles, she ate her jello and she was our girl again. Her sister and brother came to visit. Our friends visited. Our family came by. And we got to take our baby home.

Home. As we left the hospital, you are struck that some families never take their babies home from there. They go home to make funeral arrangements, not birthday plans. We are the lucky one's. Our Beana is well. She is here...for a long, long time to continue to torment her baby sister and make us laugh.

So, Beana...on this an Anniversary of sorts for us.. God Bless You. You are a part of us that we will never be able to live without. You are our Heart. You are our Soul. You are everything that is good in the world...if only you would stop biting! We love you, Bean!

Mirth & Merriment....

Money for Nothing...and the Chicks are free!

Ok. I am a woman now, but there was a time when I was just a girl with some scraggly hair, awful fashion sense and a dream. I can't remember the dream at the moment, but to think of the 80's definitely puts an expression on my face that is part reminiscent, part fear. Fear that perhaps my youth has passed me by and I wore too much day-glo. So, here we are...another Thursday, another Daily Dose. Following a theme, because I just adore themes (!), give me your Daily Dose of Favorite Songs From Your Childhood! By the way, childhood is birth to 18!

Here we go..memory lane, again!

#1- "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins
Phil Collins is master of the love ballad. I love this song. The memory attached to it, not so much. High School Dance. Pat Irwin. Broken Heart. Love Sucks. But, you coming back to me, is Against All Odds, It's A Chance I've Got To Take! Ahh...

#2- "Let It Be" by The Beatles
This is actually my first music memory. I was in the back of a station wagon- the one where you push the button to make the back window go down. What a great song, forget that it's my first childhood memory, just listen to it. When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me...speaking words of wisdom...Let it Be.

#3- "Suburbia" by The Pet Shop Boys
I love the Pet Shop Boys. This song reminds me of High School times...good times, which were rare. My little sister and I listening to KROQ (Rock of the 80's) and thinking we were hip. What a time.

Honorable Mention Alert! Anything by Duran Duran, Madonna, U2 or The Carpenters

Mirth & Merriment....and Music!!!!

They Say It's Your Birthday...

Boy, have I been busy lately! To use that whole "busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest" would be too completely redneck, but that pretty much describes it. But now that I have cleaned the piled up debris of unknown origin off of my desk and find my calendar, I must sit and write to let you know what is going through my head. As if you want to know!

My sister-in-law, the amazing woman that she is, loves LISTS. She loves to make lists, even if they aren't exactly followed to a T. I do not like lists. I like the idea of lists...allowing your inner self to feel in control somehow in a world full of chaos. But, lists just aren't me. I do however love to find things that have been written by others that put me into a certain state of mind. Dorothy Parker takes me back to my single, heart broken days. Thomas Harris reminds me of the night I met my husband. Anne Murrow reminds me of my beautiful Mom. See where I am going? But there are times where there are no other words but my own to put on to paper, with the hope that one day I might provoke a memory or two into the minds of you reading. The following was not written by me, although I have written something similar...but, it is too good to simply be printed and posted on my, already cluttered bulletin board.

"I Believe That Maturity Has More To Do With What Types Of Experiences You Have Had And What You Have Learned From Them And Less To Do With How Many Candles Are On Your Birthday Cake!"

Tomorrow will mark a milestone. Happy 40th Birthday to my pal, Claudia. Wow! I am happy to be able to have you in my life each day and to know that you are always there for me when I need you. There have been hard times and there will surely be more even though we pray each night that there won't. There will be more Birthdays. Yikes!

You are light when the room is dark.

You are smiles when I feel things aren't going my way.

You are laughs when I feel like crying.

You are Wicked when it is called for.

You are talented more than you realize.

You are a magnificent woman!

You are strong when I am weak. You are my greatest friend.

You are Loved!

Mirth & Merriment....And Many, Many More!

Rainy Days & Monday's Always Get Me Down!

So, the June Gloom in So Cal has started and it is only May! What's up with that? I straightened my hair this morning and took 25 minutes to do it and it now looks like a tangled mess. Lovely. My beautiful office with a view looks like an overcast, rainy mess. I hate this in-between crap. either rain or don't. Don't just tease us with sprinkles. That is pathetic! Please don't get me wrong, I love the rain. I love the way the ground looks when it is wet. I love the smell of the wet grass.

I love splashing in puddles with my kids. I miss those days, when I was the tomboy being yelled at to get in the house because my pants were completely soaked. I miss being yelled at? You bet! I have allowed my son to splash around in puddles only because everybody needs to do that at some point in their lives. I like to let them run around in the rain. I like to give them candy before they have finished their meals. I like being a push-over, basically! It is cliche to say that I want my children to have everything that I didn't, but that is ridiculous. I want them to love life. I want them to enjoy every second of their day until their eyes finally shut for the night. I like that I have too many grey hair for someone my age. I like that I stress out about my son not wearing the clothes that I have picked out for him. I also like that he has an incredibly cool sense of style.

Basically, I enjoy motherhood. To all of you Mom's who know how this feels....a pat on the back. To all of you who have yet to become Mom's...good luck to you.. Do NOT come to me for any type of advice.

Mirth & Merriment...

That's Amore!

It is Thursday...

YOUR DAILY DOSE OF FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS!

I do not consider myself a connoisseur of pizza, but I know what I like. I know that Domino's is tasteless and Pizza Hut is greasy. But, I also know that Round Table is one of the best things I have ever put in my mouth. Having been raised in California, I am not big on frilly pizza...no goat cheese....no spicy bbq chicken...just give it to me straight off the menu...and give it to me now!

So, without further ado...

1. EVERYTHING! I am easy, don't tell my Mom. I like it all. However, when I say "all" I really don't mean all. I'm a woman...people! I like any place that can offer me their version of a Supreme (sausage, pepperoni, olives, green peppers, ONIONS, mushrooms and lots of cheese!) Again, I am a woman...I WANT IT ALL...but not...all!?
2. Pepperoni! I love pepperoni. My little diva and son also like to go to Subway and have pepperoni added to their (hers) turkey and (his) roast beef sandwiches. They must get it from me? Who knows! All I know is that when money is good and I have some extra to throw around...I purchase pepperoni and eat them out of the bag while watching t.v. Bon Bon's got nothing on my 'roni's!!!
3. Extra, Extra Cheese! Whether it is made from California cows or not, cheese is the best! If you take a bite of hot pizza, it is nothing without a little gooey-ness. I love that cheese can be dripping down the side as you fold it...love it!

Honorable Mention - Jalapenos...I like it spicy!

So, now it is your turn. Comment and let me know what you prefer to start your cholesterol racing...go ahead. Make my Day...

Mirth & Merriment...and mouthwatering!!

What Child Is This???

I am so proud!

My fantastic son has achieved something only 2 other First Grader's have done this school year. Yes, he throws Play Station controllers at me, yes I have been told I don't love him, but this is actually something grand!

On Friday, he will be receiving an "Outstanding Independent Reader" award at an assembly, that I will be filming, of course. He is awesome! He is reading at level 4.2, which means 4th grader, 2nd month.

We did really good with this kid. He is so smart and I am so very proud of him. He is kind. He is thoughtful. He is handsome. And I am blessed that he is MINE!

Way to go, little Man!!!!

Isn't She Lovely!?

Well, I sort of told myself I wasn't going to do this, but when you have as much pride in your children as I do, you have to put this out there. Our oldest twinlet actually took a beautiful picture this morning. Now, if you knew her as well as I do, you know that this is a day to remember. SHE NEVER TAKES A GOOD PICTURE! She usually snarls at the camera, but not today. This was taken after she had been awake for about 10 minutes. Go ahead...look at how lovely she is. No re-touching.

On the other hand, Piglet decided to play around and not give us the best shot possible....

Mirth & Merriment to you. If these pictures don't do it...check your pulse!!!

Leader Of The Pack (it's not me!)

In following the footsteps on my fantabulous sister-in-law who started this whole blogging thing (yup, it's her fault that I do this!) I would like to start a weekly tradition on Thursdays. Ya see, she makes her Thursday Three...a list of three things, subject matter can differ from least favorite chores around the homestead to Chick Flicks. So, I have decided to do it, too. (Can you tell I am sticking my tongue out at the computer?)

So here is it is, my semi-copyright infringing list. I guess I am creative enough to cal it something different, though...so the title shall be "YOUR DAILY DOSE OF....". Today it is

YOUR DAILY DOSE OF GUILTY PLEASURE SONGS!

We all have them. Some of us had them on Vinyl. Yes, vinyl. Some of us know all of the words to side b of that really popular song from the 70's, but do not want to admit it or just don't think anyone cares? What song takes you back? What song puts you in a great mood? What is the one song that you have to blast out of your mini-van or SUV? Don't be embarrassed. I'm not!

#1- Now, remind yourselves that I was born in late 1970 - ANYTHING BY BARRY MANILOW! When I was growing up, he was THE MAN! I loved his music then, I love it now. Does the mere fact that I saw him in concert just 2 years ago, while 7 months pregnant with twins mean anything to you people? How about that David Copperfield did his magic routine to "Time in New England"? It has to be great!!!

#2- "Carry on my Wayward Son" by Kansas. Yes, "Dust in the Wind" is a good one and quite possibly might be played at my funeral, but come on! Kansas Rocks! Even when you sing the wrong words, this song played especially loud kicks ass!

#3- a tough decision, but I am going to choose "Love on the Rocks" by Neil Diamond. I know that I chose 2 good Jewish boys on the list, but who cares! I am not a hater! I'm a lover...and that is why I closed my eyes and pointed at the Neil Diamond songbook to find my #3 choice. It is a great song, lyrically and melodically. From the movie, "The Jazz Singer", Neil combines his perfect voice with the tragic love story. AHHH...Joy!

Honorable Mentions go to "Spirit In The Sky", "Message in a Bottle", "Toxic" (yes, the one by Britney Spears-what a psycho!), "Super Freak" and "Crazy Train" (you gotta love Ozzy!!!!)

Mirth & Merriment to you....now spill it....

I Honestly Love You!

If you read through my Easter blog you know that there is a new addition to our family. My fantastic cousin and his wife were blessed with a daughter. It is their first child and it took a lot for that little one to get here. With that said, it is with pleasure that I announce that they have honored me by asking me to be Eva's Godmother. What a wonderful surprise! I have 2 Godson's whom I love completely and to add to that feeling gives my heart such elation.

Just when you think things aren't exactly going your way, someone does something so spectacular (say that fast!) that you cannot help but feel overjoyed. So here goes....I am good at writing letters and here is my latest one.

My Dear Eva,

Welcome to the world, our little Angel. What a journey it took to see that pretty face and I think Mommy & Daddy will agree that it is worth it. You have only been here for a short while, but you have made everyone around you glow a little bit brighter.

I want to tell you a little about your Daddy. He is super, isn't he? I have known him my whole life and in that 36 1/2 years, he has amazed me with his talents, his care and respect and his awkward sense of humor. He is one of those people that I am not sure I could live without. He makes me happy. He has been there for me through some weird times (no prom date), bad times and good. I consider him, not just my cousin, but my true friend.

Your Mommy and I have some things in common. We are both Mommy's to daughters, but we also both love your Daddy so much! Her smile lights up the room when she walks in. Since she had you, the light is so much brighter! She is going to be a great role model for you. She is proud and honest. She is non-judging and open. She is beautiful and kind. She is awesome!

Eva, put your heart in to everything you do, but don't let that overpower what your mind thinks you should do. Don't be afraid of love. Yes, it can hurt, but when it is right, there is nothing like it. When you doubt yourself, look in the mirror. You are a wonderful person and as long as you think that, it will show to others. Find your strength in times of weakness in God. He is the one who has blessed us with your presence and we will thank Him everyday for that. I am so very proud to be witness to your life. God Bless You!


Mirth & Much Merriment!

Forever Young!

Today is May 8th and it marks a milestone to some people very near and dear to me. Today is my baby sister's eldest son's 18th Birthday! My very first nephew is now considered an adult. Seeing as he has already enlisted in to the armed forces, this comes as no surprise! So let me take you back 18 years...ready?

I was living in Grand Prairie, Texas going to Cosmetology School. Remember, Tracy? When I signed up for school they said that there was already someone with my name and because of the way you earned your hours, I would have to change my first name! HUH? WHAT? Cool...an alias! So I became Claire. A name that had so many meanings for me. First of all, it was Molly Ringwald's name in The Breakfast Club and it was also the name I chose at my Confirmation. "It's a Fat Girl's Name!" Anyway, I am getting off the subject.

About 9 months prior to May 8th, I received a call from my baby sister, letting me know that she was pregnant! Now, wait a minute! How old is she again? Ok, well knowing full well (stated in an earlier blog) that most people aren't waiting until marriage to have sex, that she if she was old enough, she was old enough! The funny part of the call was that she asked ME to tell her father! I started shaking. It felt like I was going to tell them it was me. I didn't want to face the wrath of a potential grandfather! Are you crazy? But, I told her that I would help her prepare them for the news of her new arrival.

So, I called my sister-in-law. Before you start calling me a chicken-shit, let me explain. I was in Texas. My little sister was in Arizona. My parents are in California and so is my brother and his wife. Logistics state that it would just be easier if she told them, since it wasn't a long distance call for her, right? I know...my logical way of thinking is not quite logical nor can it actually be called thinking! I do not know what happened next, but my parents found out. Nobody got a shotgun out. Nobody died. Nobody disowned anyone. It was all going to be OK.

Cut to May 8, 1989. It was a great day! The sun was shining and I had on my Ogle Cosmetology School lab coat. I was doing a wet-set on a lady who had not washed her hair since the week before when I had done it! Her beautiful grey hair curled up real nice! I heard a page over the intercom "Claire, you are an Aunt!" "Claire, can you come to the front desk?" I got so excited. I ran quickly, while still being safe, to the front desk and grabbed the phone. He was here! He was healthy! My sister was doing great! I was thrilled.

My baby sister joined our family when her Dad married my Mom, when we were both 5 years old. She is just 3 months younger than me and it felt like a perfect fit. She and I got along great! Today, she is a great friend! I consider her just as much my sister as one that I share both parents with. She is a strong woman, a great mother and intelligent beyond her years.
And today, she is the mother to an 18 year old boy. How proud she must be!

So, Sherry Baby, you made it through 18 years of Motherhood. Boy, have you had the ups, downs and sideways...but you made it my love. You are awesome and an inspiration! Enjoy today.

To my oldest nephew, since it is your big day I guess I better say something nice about you, huh? You are a fine young man doesn't seem to cut it. You are kind. You are funny. You make me so proud. I look forward to you serving your Country and making us all that much prouder. Stay safe. Be well. Love much. Live long...and prosper! Find your way home. I love you so very much and am proud to be your Aunt. Happy Birthday, Kyle!!!

Mirth & Merriment to you all

Video Killed the Radio Star

I am all for technology. Heck, I love my camera phone. I love texting and emailing and surfing the Information Superhighway!!! I love that I can get 1,000 channels on my tv and that when I have to pee, I can pause my show and not miss a thing! However, the same new crap that I can't live without is the same crap I am abusing. Technology is a privilege...use it wisely!

I have a DVR, which means I can record shows that come on, no tape necessary. It is great because I love a few shows that I can never miss an episode of, but sometimes cannot keep the lids open to watch them when they start at 10 p.m....ok, 9:00! But, anyway, there are 7 shows that I record; CSI, Law & Order: SVU, House, ER, Desperate Housewives and The Sopranos. I love these shows. I feel so great when I solve the case first or I feel the frustration of no-alone time with my husband. They are my family and I love spending time with them. Such drama! However, I must admit that I have been careless with my loved one's. Here is my admission of guilt.

For the past few weeks, I have let my episodes stack up! I know, it's bad. Last night, I watched the Desperate Housewives episode from 2 weeks ago and now there is a new one in there. I haven't watched The Soprano's for the past 3 weeks! Tony Soprano is not someone you need to leave hanging, ya know what I'm saying? I was so proud to be able to set up my DVR and record old movies that I can watch whenever I can snag the remote away from some little person that I gave birth to. It is not easy, trust me. Throw a husband who likes to watch anything of non-interest on The Discovery Channel and I am in Hell. Literally.

So, I feel I must apologize to the vixens on Wisteria Lane, to Tony and Carmela and the gang (I see nothing!), to Grissom and Benson....and my ER crew. I am sorry for neglecting you. House, I won't apologize because you won't care, anyway! Since I always complain when there are no new episodes, I am a hypocrite. I am deeply dismayed by my lack of participation in our relationship. I promise to watch all of you this week and not keep more than one of you in a group at the same time. I PROMISE!

Mirth & Merriment...and no re-runs!!!

How To Save A Life

I recently told my Mom of the lyrics to this song...so here they are:

How To Save A Life

by The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best

Cause after all you do know best

Try to slip past his defense

Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you've told him all along

And pray to God he hears you

And I pray to God he heals you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice

You lower yours and grant him one last choice

Drive until you lose the road

Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things

He will admit to everything

Or he'll say he's just not the same

And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

God Only Know's What I'd Be Without You

For the past 6 months or so, I have had the opportunity to see women in love at all different stages of life. My 12 year old Diva has a crush on a TV star. My Mom, while going through radiation, was completely supported by her loving husband. My great friend Maria became a widow before she turned 30. My great friends Tracy and Jackie are planning weddings to their significant others. I have seen all of the good and the bad and to simply write that I began to re-evaluate my own marriage is quite the understatement.

Right before I entered the Graceland Wedding Chapel on a chilly January day in 2004, my dressed in all-black fiancee, turned to me, while drinking a bud light, and stated that the divorce rate, he quoted, was 1 in 4. I did not hesitate. I did not think twice about marrying him. I had loved this man for 3 years already, the next 50 would be fine with me. He is the great love of my life and even the ups and downs don't stop love!

Watching our Diva stare at the tv and seeing her drool over a young sitcom star is always fun. It does take me back to my Tiger Beat days, pinning up pictures of Duran Duran, River Phoenix (RIP) and Christian Slater. Times were easier then, but it seems that I remember heartbreak hurting tremendously. My heart was first broken by David Jarosz in the 4th grade when I asked him if he was going to the school dance and he said no, but then he showed up with someone else. Now, at that age, I cried, but I got over it. However, when Pat Irwin, my first real boyfriend, was caught kissing Kandie Pearl at the dance that he had taken me too...that was harsh! I got all his love letters, burned them, put the ashes in a plastic baggie and buried them in the backyard...directly under my bedroom window. (Don't go digging, Ma!) The sweatshirt that I wore to that dance smelled like Polo by Ralph Lauren, which was the big scent back then and I put it over my pillow and cried my 15 year old tears on to it. It took a few months for me to recover from that, not made easier by the fact that I sat next to him in English class. Damn that alphabetical crap! Time Marched On...

After my Mom was wheeled into surgery to remove the cancerous growth from her breast, I sat in the waiting room, finding a friend who I had not expected to be there. I sat chatting with her, while her mom was having surgery, casually looking over at my Dad. There he sat, trying to get work done, but looking up at the clock more than writing anything down. You could see that his mind was not in the room with us, it was with her. It reminded me of watching my grandmother care for her husband of almost 50 years while he lay dying in their home. You see the devotion in the eye's of these spouses and pray that you never have to witness what it will be like to see them without their better half. My mother came out of surgery, they found cancer, she went through radiation, and they are still in love. Time Marches On...

Maria's husband Matt died very suddenly at 31 years of age. That is way too young. Too young, also for her to be a widow. I cannot image, nor do I want to, what it is like to be young, have a toddler at home and be without your husband. It makes me sad each time I think of it. It was a rough time to see her mourning this man who had meant so much to her and to everyone he knew. It has seriously thrown her life into turmoil and I pray each day that she will find her way back to anything that resembles "happy". At the funeral for Matt, I held tight to my husband's hand, crying for my friend and for what had been lost. A lifetime ahead of them. Family vacations. Christmas & Birthday's. Anniversary dinners. She will never again experience anything the same way. Time Marches On...Rest in Peace, Matt Romo.

Tracy is marrying Carl and Jackie is marrying Esteban. Tracy is getting married in October in the Lone Star State (Texas) and I am preparing to hear what song she has so graciously asked me to sing. Please...be gentle. Jackie will be married next May..that is just one year away...here in California. Both have had their share of heartache and seem to have finally met their matches. I love it! I love seeing Jackie's excitement about dresses, cakes and flowers. I love reading Tracy's blog to hear her confidence in her choice of lifetime partner. I wish them all of the love that they can get out of life with their husbands. You both deserve so much happiness and I look forward to talking to you for years about your lives and how full they are...and how full your house's will become with the pitter-patter...well, no rush! Time Does March On!!!

So, I come to my marriage. Yes, we love each other. Just because you fight doesn't mean you don't love each other and just because you never fight it doesn't mean you do love each other. We are human. We make mistakes. We apologize. We hurt each other's feelings. We apologize. We fight. We kiss and make up. THAT IS MARRIAGE. We give and take and go to bed at night and wake up the next day and do it all again. THAT IS MARRIAGE.

I love you, Anthony...now & always.

Mirth & Merriment to you all.....

Yesterday I found out that my new job is going to keep me on my toes and away from a desk. Not a bad thing for a gal who has been sitting answering calls for the past 5 years. Let me tell you about my day.

I arrived to work at 8:15 a.m., having already been awake for 2 hours. I was greeted by several items on my desk that needed urgent attention! That was all handled by 10:30. At 11:20 (my birthday!) my Manager decided that he was taking me to lunch and for a quick visit to our newest sites, acquired when we bought another company in February. OK then. Good thing because I was not too excited about my leftover spaghetti.

Lunch was at the Double Tree and I had a tuna melt...which was quite tasty. He discussed my job description and what I was to do. Gain the respect of the drivers so I was treated well. My confidentiality agreement...which I cannot discuss! We laughed, we ate, we got to know each other a little.

We drove to our site that is currently not a station because it has been under construction since November. It is large and dirty! Wearing flip-flops was not a great idea. We watched sweaty, large men (most of whom kept looking at me funny!) pour cement. That was fun! Fun, really, because it is the first time I have seen something go from the dirt to a building and I am excited to see it completed. Two more weeks? Yea, right?!

Our next stop was our Montebello location, which has a small c-store on site. It is a very clean place! Our guys working there are friendly and kind One even offered to buy me a piece of bazooka gum, but had to ask the other guy for a nickel to do it! Kissing ass, maybe?

After that we took a deposit to the bank and headed back to the office. It was a nice day. My manager does not have the reputation of being a kind person. Not a friendly person. But, I found that he can be. He can also be a pain in the ass, but that is his job. He is a MANAGER. When the shit comes down, it comes down on him and he has to pay for other people's errors or mistakes. I can respect that! Anyone who cannot, well they have never been there!

So then I got to work some more in the office. Filing, doing PO's, gathering receipts for monthly expense reports, calculating information for the monthly newsletter and answering questions from our Maintenance workers. At 4:40, I left for my other full-time job...HOME!

WHEW! It was a busy, productive, hot day but I am happy for the experience. Of course I have only been at this for a few days, so ask me in a few months about my happy-level!


Mirth & Merriment...

All By Myself

I finally got to move into my new office today. This deserves cheers that I am moving up and able to experience all kinds of new crap. The kind of crap that you have to get off your desk so that they can shovel more on...you know what I mean! However, I leave behind a great bunch of Customer Service Rep's that I will miss sharing daily life with. It may seem like I am dying or something, but I am significantly down the hall, alone...hence the blog title for today!

I will miss all of them dearly. Hopefully, they will still tell me of wedding plans (JK), new bathroom tile (BZ), single life (DN), useless baseball trivia (JP) and homemade dinners for two (JD)! Each of you shares a special place in my heart.

Those of you in the "other room"...my ladies! My ladies! I hope that you will all get your daily dose of aerobics and get down here to share in my chocolate and candies! That isn't sexual, by the way! I really do have Jolly Ranchers & Chocolate on my desk.

As for my former manager, Miss M...you took a chance in a temporary Receptionist about 5 years ago and handed me a ringing phone and said "Answer It!" All these years later, I consider you such a great mentor and friend. You and I are kindred spirits of sorts, sharing stories of the old days...the 80's for us...and all the great songs that we shared, separately!

My only saving grace in leaving the CS/Sales Department is that we are still in the same building, connected by the breeze-less, breezeway! I am here...check the in/out board!

Enough Said.

Mirth & Merriment....as always!!!