God Only Know's What I'd Be Without You
For the past 6 months or so, I have had the opportunity to see women in love at all different stages of life. My 12 year old Diva has a crush on a TV star. My Mom, while going through radiation, was completely supported by her loving husband. My great friend Maria became a widow before she turned 30. My great friends Tracy and Jackie are planning weddings to their significant others. I have seen all of the good and the bad and to simply write that I began to re-evaluate my own marriage is quite the understatement.
Right before I entered the Graceland Wedding Chapel on a chilly January day in 2004, my dressed in all-black fiancee, turned to me, while drinking a bud light, and stated that the divorce rate, he quoted, was 1 in 4. I did not hesitate. I did not think twice about marrying him. I had loved this man for 3 years already, the next 50 would be fine with me. He is the great love of my life and even the ups and downs don't stop love!
Watching our Diva stare at the tv and seeing her drool over a young sitcom star is always fun. It does take me back to my Tiger Beat days, pinning up pictures of Duran Duran, River Phoenix (RIP) and Christian Slater. Times were easier then, but it seems that I remember heartbreak hurting tremendously. My heart was first broken by David Jarosz in the 4th grade when I asked him if he was going to the school dance and he said no, but then he showed up with someone else. Now, at that age, I cried, but I got over it. However, when Pat Irwin, my first real boyfriend, was caught kissing Kandie Pearl at the dance that he had taken me too...that was harsh! I got all his love letters, burned them, put the ashes in a plastic baggie and buried them in the backyard...directly under my bedroom window. (Don't go digging, Ma!) The sweatshirt that I wore to that dance smelled like Polo by Ralph Lauren, which was the big scent back then and I put it over my pillow and cried my 15 year old tears on to it. It took a few months for me to recover from that, not made easier by the fact that I sat next to him in English class. Damn that alphabetical crap! Time Marched On...
After my Mom was wheeled into surgery to remove the cancerous growth from her breast, I sat in the waiting room, finding a friend who I had not expected to be there. I sat chatting with her, while her mom was having surgery, casually looking over at my Dad. There he sat, trying to get work done, but looking up at the clock more than writing anything down. You could see that his mind was not in the room with us, it was with her. It reminded me of watching my grandmother care for her husband of almost 50 years while he lay dying in their home. You see the devotion in the eye's of these spouses and pray that you never have to witness what it will be like to see them without their better half. My mother came out of surgery, they found cancer, she went through radiation, and they are still in love. Time Marches On...
Maria's husband Matt died very suddenly at 31 years of age. That is way too young. Too young, also for her to be a widow. I cannot image, nor do I want to, what it is like to be young, have a toddler at home and be without your husband. It makes me sad each time I think of it. It was a rough time to see her mourning this man who had meant so much to her and to everyone he knew. It has seriously thrown her life into turmoil and I pray each day that she will find her way back to anything that resembles "happy". At the funeral for Matt, I held tight to my husband's hand, crying for my friend and for what had been lost. A lifetime ahead of them. Family vacations. Christmas & Birthday's. Anniversary dinners. She will never again experience anything the same way. Time Marches On...Rest in Peace, Matt Romo.
Tracy is marrying Carl and Jackie is marrying Esteban. Tracy is getting married in October in the Lone Star State (Texas) and I am preparing to hear what song she has so graciously asked me to sing. Please...be gentle. Jackie will be married next May..that is just one year away...here in California. Both have had their share of heartache and seem to have finally met their matches. I love it! I love seeing Jackie's excitement about dresses, cakes and flowers. I love reading Tracy's blog to hear her confidence in her choice of lifetime partner. I wish them all of the love that they can get out of life with their husbands. You both deserve so much happiness and I look forward to talking to you for years about your lives and how full they are...and how full your house's will become with the pitter-patter...well, no rush! Time Does March On!!!
So, I come to my marriage. Yes, we love each other. Just because you fight doesn't mean you don't love each other and just because you never fight it doesn't mean you do love each other. We are human. We make mistakes. We apologize. We hurt each other's feelings. We apologize. We fight. We kiss and make up. THAT IS MARRIAGE. We give and take and go to bed at night and wake up the next day and do it all again. THAT IS MARRIAGE.
I love you, Anthony...now & always.
Mirth & Merriment to you all.....
2 comments:
How amazing that I have also been thinking about my marriage. We have been together for 22 years this June and will celebrate our 16th Anniv on May 18!! We have definitely had our ups and downs-with loss of family members, children, daily life and everyday drama!! I can hardly believe it's been 22 yrs since he moved in across the street-LOOK AT US NOW!! Hope everyone good luck in their relationships and pray we all make it through!
I guess it's called growing up, even though I hate to think of it that way. Sometimes the stakes are just so high, like when you share children with someone. As I write this, your favorite brother and I are "having words", but you know what? We'll get over it. You're absolutely right - THIS is what marriage is. And sometimes it's ugly!
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