This One's For The Girls....
I received a comment from a friend of mine who mentioned that she doesn't know how I do it all? Being a full-time mom, full-time wife while working full-time. Well, I thought long and hard about it yesterday after a day that would rival George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, except that nobody died. Thank God. I finally have the answer…I don’t do it all. Secretly, every woman who has children might look like she is doing it all, but inside there is a daily meltdown…maybe even hourly. Nobody can do it all. I used to adore the famous and infamous who would appear in public with a perfect coif and flawless skin with their perfectly well-behaved children in tow. I have one word…or maybe two, it’s all bullshit. They have nannies, personal trainers, hair and makeup, estheticians, chefs and chauffeurs. They also have someone who manages their millions so that they never have to balance a checkbook. They never struggle to pay the light bill or worry about not having enough money for diapers. They look that way because they get their 8 hours a night and wake up and don’t worry about anything. What would they worry about? Besides Britney Spears, they don’t have any problems and honestly, all of hers were brought about by Ms. Spears herself.
So, let me run down my day. My alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m., although I don’t wash my hair everyday (I’m a celebrity like that!) so I can sleep in until 6:30 a.m. When I finally roll over and it is quarter til 7:00 – that is when my stress begins. Please note that I usually have showered by this time. I have 45 minutes to do hair and makeup (PS- there is no MAC at my house) and find an outfit that does not make me look hideous, get Matthew up and dressed and be out of the house. From 6:30 – 6:50 it is getting out the flat iron, only to find that my hair is a wreck and will most likely have to be worn up today. Makeup time finds me struggling to find the only mascara that I like and it is MIA. I have several versions of eyelash color, but this is the ONE that I need. Anyway, the chase is on and I lose every time. I put on the other mascara that clumps my lashes together and roll my eyes for the second time in 30 minutes. Concealer, eyebrows, cheek color and I’m done. Brush my teeth and it is now 7 am. First attempt is made to wake up the grumpy one as I head to pick out undergarments for the day.
At 7:10 the second attempt is made to which I usually hear “GO AWAY” or “WHAT?”. This from a young man that I went through 18 hours to bring into this world? I roll my eyes again. I head to the closet. I look through and see absolutely nothing that anyone who “choose” to wear. My black pants are too tight…the other pair are too faded and the other one’s, I don’t really have any tops to match. I pull whatever is clean and the least-wrinkled out and put it on. It is not 7:15 and I hear the bathroom door slam!!! That would be my son cursing me as he urinates. Ahh…Motherhood. I look at myself in the mirror and realize that, as the quote goes, my clothes are so tight it looks like “two pigs fighting under a blanket”. I rip off the clothes (only good if there is soft music and someone you want to be with next to you!) and search again. I choose the ones that are too tight and a big shirt to hide the muffin top! At 7:20, my beloved son comes in to the room to tell me some useless fact like “Yesterday, my friend Michael wrote with a red pencil…it was funny!” WHAT? OK! MOVE IT. I yell and tell him that he has 10 minutes to be dressed, with teeth sparkling and backpack in hand. He stomps off. I roll my eyes, again! At 7:28 he claims that he cannot find one shoe. They were both there last night and he blames it on the babies. OK. Whatever. But, does he look for it? No, he sits on the couch staring off into space. I find it under a pillow on the floor, which did I mention is in plain sight? At 7:30 we are out the door, but it isn’t that easy. Matt turns to me and says “I think I’m supposed to wear a Silly Hat today!” Like this could not have been something he could have shared during our entire night together? Ok. We run back into the house and of course, he has to try on 4 or 5 hats and then chooses the one I least like, but the first one he tried on. Ok. To the car…again. He is dropped off at 7:36 and I am on my way to a half-hour drive to work. I get here at 8:06 and am met outside by one of our staff complaining about the site. Ok, I will deal with it. I am at work until 5:06, trying to make up for coming in late and skipping lunch.
It takes me 35 minutes to get home and at 5: 42, I am greeted by the little people I love so much. There would be hours of hugs and kisses except that I see the sink is full of dishes that I didn’t have the strength to do last night, the trash is overflowing and there is spit out apple everywhere. Did I give birth to the Exorcist? So, there is no hug marathon, but me huffing and puffing that I don’t have time to spend with them because there is too much to do. I look in the bathroom…let’s not discuss what I find there! I take out the trash, do the dishes, clean up as best I can and then collapse on to the couch. The girls run to me for attention. Approximately 10 minutes later, I realize that I still have to make dinner. I get up again, scramble for something that resembles an entrée, vegetable and side dish. Ok. Got it. No time to sit down now…it is now 6:45 p.m.
At this point, I am standing in front of the stove, trying to keep the girls away from me, when Matthew comes in. This is not a good sign. He mentions that he wanted to wait to do his homework so that I could help him. Wonderful! What a joy! It is about 7:30 by the time he STARTS his homework. We do 2 pages of Math, 4 pages of vocabulary and now the only thing left is his 20 minutes of reading and book report. This is the worst part, because even though his love of reading is something I am adore, he searches through books, refusing each one for one reason or another. When he finally reads and finishes that it is almost 8:30. During the search, I have fed the girls and him, although he hasn’t eaten anything, and I am eating while doing more chores. No sitting!
At 9:00, it is time to sit. Matthew is told to take a shower, which he agrees to. The girls beg for a bath so here we go. Matthew’s shower is done in 10 minutes and the girls remain in the tub until 9:35. Then there is my son who got dressed for bed without drying off so his clothes are wet, too. Lovely. I get both girls ready for bed, hair brushed and deal with the voice around me chanting “dessert…dessert….is there dessert? What’s for dessert? I sure wish I had some dessert? How do you spell dessert?” NO DESSERT! comes screeching out of my mouth.
It is now 9:45 and I am ready to sit down and watch something other than Spongebob or Scooby Doo. I get 2 bottles ready while still listening to Matthew complain about being hungry although he ate only 3 bites of dinner. He has an apple for a snack. At 10:00, Matthew has passed out and the girls are still awake…of course! It would be too perfect if they all fell asleep at the same time. By 11:00, the girls are asleep and I am now wide awake watching “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” or some other stupid show on E! By Midnight, I fall asleep, but it is not over…
At 1:30, I get up to pee. I come back and fall back to sleep only to be woken up at 2:15 by Aliza who has peed in her big girl panties and needs to be changed. At 2:30, we both get back to bed. I wake up and stare at the ceiling. I look to the clock and it is 4:30…not time to wake up yet. I toss and turn until 6:00 and then it starts all over again.
Please do not take this the wrong way. Life with my children is paradise compared to not having them. I would not trade one moment with them for a minute of sleep. I treasure each of them for the miracle they are. With that said….you ask How do I do it all? Zoloft!
Mirth & Merriment….and Motherhood!
So, let me run down my day. My alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m., although I don’t wash my hair everyday (I’m a celebrity like that!) so I can sleep in until 6:30 a.m. When I finally roll over and it is quarter til 7:00 – that is when my stress begins. Please note that I usually have showered by this time. I have 45 minutes to do hair and makeup (PS- there is no MAC at my house) and find an outfit that does not make me look hideous, get Matthew up and dressed and be out of the house. From 6:30 – 6:50 it is getting out the flat iron, only to find that my hair is a wreck and will most likely have to be worn up today. Makeup time finds me struggling to find the only mascara that I like and it is MIA. I have several versions of eyelash color, but this is the ONE that I need. Anyway, the chase is on and I lose every time. I put on the other mascara that clumps my lashes together and roll my eyes for the second time in 30 minutes. Concealer, eyebrows, cheek color and I’m done. Brush my teeth and it is now 7 am. First attempt is made to wake up the grumpy one as I head to pick out undergarments for the day.
At 7:10 the second attempt is made to which I usually hear “GO AWAY” or “WHAT?”. This from a young man that I went through 18 hours to bring into this world? I roll my eyes again. I head to the closet. I look through and see absolutely nothing that anyone who “choose” to wear. My black pants are too tight…the other pair are too faded and the other one’s, I don’t really have any tops to match. I pull whatever is clean and the least-wrinkled out and put it on. It is not 7:15 and I hear the bathroom door slam!!! That would be my son cursing me as he urinates. Ahh…Motherhood. I look at myself in the mirror and realize that, as the quote goes, my clothes are so tight it looks like “two pigs fighting under a blanket”. I rip off the clothes (only good if there is soft music and someone you want to be with next to you!) and search again. I choose the ones that are too tight and a big shirt to hide the muffin top! At 7:20, my beloved son comes in to the room to tell me some useless fact like “Yesterday, my friend Michael wrote with a red pencil…it was funny!” WHAT? OK! MOVE IT. I yell and tell him that he has 10 minutes to be dressed, with teeth sparkling and backpack in hand. He stomps off. I roll my eyes, again! At 7:28 he claims that he cannot find one shoe. They were both there last night and he blames it on the babies. OK. Whatever. But, does he look for it? No, he sits on the couch staring off into space. I find it under a pillow on the floor, which did I mention is in plain sight? At 7:30 we are out the door, but it isn’t that easy. Matt turns to me and says “I think I’m supposed to wear a Silly Hat today!” Like this could not have been something he could have shared during our entire night together? Ok. We run back into the house and of course, he has to try on 4 or 5 hats and then chooses the one I least like, but the first one he tried on. Ok. To the car…again. He is dropped off at 7:36 and I am on my way to a half-hour drive to work. I get here at 8:06 and am met outside by one of our staff complaining about the site. Ok, I will deal with it. I am at work until 5:06, trying to make up for coming in late and skipping lunch.
It takes me 35 minutes to get home and at 5: 42, I am greeted by the little people I love so much. There would be hours of hugs and kisses except that I see the sink is full of dishes that I didn’t have the strength to do last night, the trash is overflowing and there is spit out apple everywhere. Did I give birth to the Exorcist? So, there is no hug marathon, but me huffing and puffing that I don’t have time to spend with them because there is too much to do. I look in the bathroom…let’s not discuss what I find there! I take out the trash, do the dishes, clean up as best I can and then collapse on to the couch. The girls run to me for attention. Approximately 10 minutes later, I realize that I still have to make dinner. I get up again, scramble for something that resembles an entrée, vegetable and side dish. Ok. Got it. No time to sit down now…it is now 6:45 p.m.
At this point, I am standing in front of the stove, trying to keep the girls away from me, when Matthew comes in. This is not a good sign. He mentions that he wanted to wait to do his homework so that I could help him. Wonderful! What a joy! It is about 7:30 by the time he STARTS his homework. We do 2 pages of Math, 4 pages of vocabulary and now the only thing left is his 20 minutes of reading and book report. This is the worst part, because even though his love of reading is something I am adore, he searches through books, refusing each one for one reason or another. When he finally reads and finishes that it is almost 8:30. During the search, I have fed the girls and him, although he hasn’t eaten anything, and I am eating while doing more chores. No sitting!
At 9:00, it is time to sit. Matthew is told to take a shower, which he agrees to. The girls beg for a bath so here we go. Matthew’s shower is done in 10 minutes and the girls remain in the tub until 9:35. Then there is my son who got dressed for bed without drying off so his clothes are wet, too. Lovely. I get both girls ready for bed, hair brushed and deal with the voice around me chanting “dessert…dessert….is there dessert? What’s for dessert? I sure wish I had some dessert? How do you spell dessert?” NO DESSERT! comes screeching out of my mouth.
It is now 9:45 and I am ready to sit down and watch something other than Spongebob or Scooby Doo. I get 2 bottles ready while still listening to Matthew complain about being hungry although he ate only 3 bites of dinner. He has an apple for a snack. At 10:00, Matthew has passed out and the girls are still awake…of course! It would be too perfect if they all fell asleep at the same time. By 11:00, the girls are asleep and I am now wide awake watching “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” or some other stupid show on E! By Midnight, I fall asleep, but it is not over…
At 1:30, I get up to pee. I come back and fall back to sleep only to be woken up at 2:15 by Aliza who has peed in her big girl panties and needs to be changed. At 2:30, we both get back to bed. I wake up and stare at the ceiling. I look to the clock and it is 4:30…not time to wake up yet. I toss and turn until 6:00 and then it starts all over again.
Please do not take this the wrong way. Life with my children is paradise compared to not having them. I would not trade one moment with them for a minute of sleep. I treasure each of them for the miracle they are. With that said….you ask How do I do it all? Zoloft!
Mirth & Merriment….and Motherhood!
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