Yesterday

I know that some of you are saying to yourselves "is it really her?" or "I thought she was dead!" or my personal favorite "Who?" Well trust me, there for awhile I was saying that too...and about myself. I guess I figured why write something when nothing you do is worth putting on to paper...or in this case, hitting the send key. I would call it some sort of writers block, although I don't consider myself a writer. Poe. Dickens. Parker. Thoreau. Whitman. Angelou. Now, those are writers. And, if you have ever had the pleasure of reading my sisters blog, she too can write her ass off! But, I just say what I think and sometimes I don't think before I say it. But, yes, I finally think that I am in a solid state of mind to actually allow you in...if you dare.

In July, I was fired from my job at a place that I called home. After 6 and a half years, I felt abandoned, abused, raped and left naked on the street with not so much as a "thanks". I was given no reason, and for reasons of my own, I can't discuss all the details, but I do not feel that I was treated fairly. I feel that like the Radiohead song "Kharma Police" - what goes around comes around. I can believe in that. I live for it.

However, I am now working at a job that I adore. The people are great, the benefits are super, the hours...well, took some getting used to, but it's a real good fit. Hell! They give out 25 lbs of candy to every single employee for Halloween, Christmas and Valentine's Day. Hello! Chocolate! I also have already won a Starbucks gift card, gotten a "pat on the back" certificate from the General Manager and won the Halloween costume contest which was a $50 gift card. Sweet. I have learned so much already, but everyday brings new challenges and I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds for me.

And speaking of learning, I have learned more about myself in the past 4 months than I have in my almost 38 years. I learned that I can make a meal out of anything...even chips and tuna! That I can go without coloring my hair and learn to part my hair so nobody can see it! That my children and family love me even when I am flat broke! Those of you who have called or emailed or helped me out in anyway, I cannot find words to describe how much I love you all. You are what held my head up when I couldn't do it myself. When I couldn't find a reason to smile and Aliza came up to me and said "Knock, Knock" and I said "Who's there?" and she screamed "DOG CRAP!" and ran away...she has no idea how proud and horrified I was. You all have made me a better person. I am grateful beyond thought and word.

Things have changed and change is coming. I like to think that change is good. That change happens for a reason and that there is a purpose to every last, wretched, happy event that life brings. I am focusing on positive things to come.

My kids are amazing, as if you had to ask. I will try and post some new pics soon. Growing like weeds. Oni turned 14, started high school, got her first boyfriend and then ditched class for the first time. AHH....memories. Matt hit the big 8 and thinks he wants to be Tony Hawk. That is why we have health insurance, right? The girls are about to be 4, if you can believe it, which I can't. They make me smile and scream everyday. What blessings I have!

So, that is about it. Other things have happened, but who cares, right? I am living in today...this moment. Spaghetti is cooking, the kids are watching cartoons, the house is clean and I have 4 loads of laundry that need to be done.

Paradise.

Ciao for Now...but until we meet again...Mirth & Merriment!

Being With You

As I sit here, I feel that I have so much to say, but cannot seem to put into words what exactly I am feeling. I mean, tons has happened since the last time I was able to sit and write. Some good, some bad, some I probably shouldn't write about, but I just might.

My visit with my sister and family went well. Although I must admit that I wanted desperately for her to stay longer and just as desperate, I wanted more money to be able to do things with them. My children all fell madly in love with their cousins, big surprise, I know. In fact, our little Piglet has replaced me as her best friend. Imagine? How dare....no. Wait. She's just 3. Bailee is her new best friend and she keeps saying things like "Remember my best friend Billy (she can't quite say Bailee!) ? It's very cute.

Our trip to Disneyland rocked! We had so much fun and did so much that I tried to think what could have topped it, but nothing could. It was awesome. Did I mention that my biggest girl Bean rode on Space Mountain? Yup. You heard me right. She made it over the height requirement (something piglet can't do just yet) and screamed "woo hoo" the entire ride. Unbelievable. I kept panicking and trying my best to scream while traveling way too fast for my age...."hold on to her, Anthony!" When I got off the ride, Matthew thought the ride was awesome and Athena looked at me and said "Can we go again now?" Yeah, right. She is quite fearless...I am dreading each new experience with her.

Our children also have been learning to swim, something Matthew needed desperately. The girls wear their life vests and jump right in. My son (& moon & stars) is doing the same now. I am so proud. I hope that all of them learn to love, not fear the water. I see it in his eyes that he wants to be a swimmer. Chip of the old, grey block, huh? It could be worse. We watched "The Sandlot" together and he also wants to start playing baseball. Yeah! Ok! NAH! I cannot see him signing up with other 8 year old's who have been playing since birth. They are gonna kill him. I will wait and see if he changes his mind, but for now he is a swimmer with a minor interest in the ball and bat game. Go figure. I hate baseball.

Work has been miserable, to say the very, very VERY least. I cannot say that I don't deserve the treatment that I am getting, but it seems that I am also not the only one who should be taking the blame for this stuff. I do not want to get into it until the time is right, but I have 2 words for you.....Monster.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not been feeling my best. There are things happening with me that I do not think should be, at least not NOW! I will try and ask for a few hours off to go back to the Dr., but given Adolf's mood lately, don't think that will happen anytime soon.

Happy Belated Birthday to the Best Mom in the World...mine! She shares the day with Ringo Starr, who by the way, doesn't look too good for his ripe old age! He he he! She was sick for her big day, which is a bummer....trust me. She has given me everything....life. Her time. Her love. Her money. Her heart and her soul....and her uncanny attention to details. LOVE YA, Ma!

So there you have it. I don't have much to say and a fuel-riddled rant is not what you want to hear right now, I am sure. Take care.....

Mirth & Merriment...
Monster.com???!??!?!?!?!?!?

We Will Rock You

For those of you who asked, the graduation was beautiful and emotional. Here are our "Tulips" (that is the name of their new class)

Miss Aliza Claire

Miss Athena Elise

You Dropped A Bomb On Me

From the news this morning, and no...not the weird & wacky section...

A pact made by a group of teens to get pregnant and raise their babies together is at least partly behind a sudden spike in pregnancies at Gloucester High School, school officials said.

WHAT? In the report it says that the average is 4 pregnancies per school year, which I think is awful enough, but apparently there are now 17 pregnant teenage girls running around the school. What I picture is them running around showing off their cute maternity clothes and saying things like "I can't wait to have this baby, it's going to be so cute!".

GROW THE F*** UP, GIRLS! I say girls because to call you ladies who would be against my better judgement, and God knows I always try to use that. It didn't give ages, but HS students are typically 14-18. Granted, I had sex while I was in high school, but never in a million years would I have been EXCITED about getting pregnant then, let alone do it on PURPOSE. It is not fun and games, girls. There's that "g" word again. It has nothing to do with the baby being cute, because let's face it all babies are cute, with the extreme exception of my nephews newborn picture...not an image I will soon forget. It has to do with being responsible. Wow! Did I actually say that? I'm becoming my mother. I delivered my son 6 weeks before I turned 30. I had helped take care of several nephews and a niece and had changed plenty of diapers, woken up early, bathed and fed lots of babies, but nothing quite prepares you for your own little wonder coming into the world. Nothing. I was not ready at all. Getting 2-3 hours sleep per day, on a good day, not being able to shower, not having energy to eat even though you are starving and still trying to deal with any body-trauma from the actual birth. I was miserable. Yes, my only true consolation was this miracle that we had created and seeing him do new things every minute of every hour of every day.

I remember an article in the LA Times once that said that girlfriends of gang members were getting preganant, as young as 12 and 13 so that, in the event that their boyfriends were killed int he line of "duty" they would have a part of him with them always. WHAT? I am sorry that these young men chose a lifestyle that would leave them dead at 15, but so be it. That is their choice. Why screw up your own life for a boy (again, not really men, right?) who didn't care enough about you to choose to LIVE!

I have known plenty of girls who had babies in high school or right out of high school and they have all turned out to be really great mothers. But, I am sure that if they had it to do over again, they would have waited. I am not saying they regret their children, just the life that they had to give up.

Let me say this, though. God Bless the parents of these ignorant girls. They are going to have to raise babies all over again. Because, like most things in life, when the going gets tough, the parents take over. I am sure that these girls are living at home, probably without a job and probably not with an excited boyfriend about his impending father status. The Grandparents will surely help out, but I hope that they don't take over. I hope that each one of these girls has to get up all night long. I hope their hair has to go up into tangled ponytails because it hasn't been washed in 3 days and I hope they get hemorrhoids the size of Toledo. I'm not being mean, but if they want to experience motherhood then have it all! Breastfeed until your nipples bleed and lose your bladder control. HAVE IT ALL!

To all of who already Have It All....and to those women who haven't quite gotten there yet...cheers to us. Cheers to those of us who have lived through the newborn phase and are drinking more wine everyday to prepare for teenagers. Cheers to those who not only survived babies and teenagers, but have grand kids to look forward to. Cheers to those who are waiting until they are "ready" even though you never will be. CHEERS!

Mirth & Merriment....

Ball and Chain

From the title, I can assume that you think that I will start ranting and ravings about my Mr. but I am sorry to disappoint. It is simply the song that is playing. And I love it!!!!

Today is the girls' graduation, of sorts, from daycare to Pre-K. When I heard that they were going to be in the graduation ceremony, I was shocked. They started pre-school just a few short months ago and my, how they have grown!

Aliza is a talker. Wonder where she gets it from...let me introduce myself again. She sings everything. Her favorite songs are "You Are My Sunshine" and "Irreplaceable". Yes, Beyonce. It's funny to hear her sing the lyrics as she is the tiniest little princess ever. TINY. We had to get her new shoes for her big day today and while we knew Athena was a size 9-91/2, Aliza fit just right into a size 7. Wow. She is petite and kind and always says "Bless You" when someone sneezes. She always asks me how my day was and then tells me, without a second thought...no matter what my response..."that's good". She loves to play with her big brother and all his Super Hero toys, something I can't even enjoy. She is goofy and funny and her laugh is the best part of my day.

Athena is, well, without sounding mean, a big girl. She looks like she is a Kindergartner already. No way I can sneak her in to Disneyland as under 3...no way. Damn! She is definitely a Daddy's girl. When I say "I love you, Bean" her response is typically "I love my daddy and my mommy" or just that she loves Daddy. Wow. I guess it is starting already. She loves to dance and is obsessed with playing dress up. She must wear high heels and panties around the house and shake her booty...it is sort of her calling. As long as there is no pole around, I'm good. She is fearless and is always jumping off of things (bed, couch, desk...you name it) and likewise always getting hurt. But, still she is fun to watch.

So, today I will watch as they take another first step...in a life that will be full of them. I promise not to cry..................much.

Mirth & Merriment....

Crazy On You!

I know what you're thinking....I do. God, she seems oddly familiar. Like an old book that I was SO in to, but then lost track of where it went in the hands of the filthy toddler you were chasing around the house trying to get them into a bath. Like an old friend that, when it came to time, signed a yearbook "BFF" but haven't spoken to them since that day. Well, the bitch is back and I felt that it was time for me to do what I do best...bitch...complain..rant...and give you a little something to laugh at while it remains 100 degrees outside. I could try and pick up where I left off but that is pointless for several reasons. One- too much has happened and Two- I'm just not in the mood. Here are some of the high and low points of the past few MONTHS...

I attended 2 weddings, one day apart. Both were beautiful and both of these couples I wish nothing but the best of everything to. My two babies were flower girls at one wedding, an honor that I will cherish always. And speaking of weddings, California is now granting marriage licenses to same sex couples. Well, Congratulations...now you can experience the dramatic bullshit that is marriage. I know, I know...it's not all crap, sometimes it is wonderful....but then you get out of bed and have to pay bills and find grocery money. Am I right?

Hillary Clinton was running for President. Now, as you know, I am a Democrat and a woman. Yes, I know...both hard to believe, but true nonetheless. However, I am not sure that she is the person that I would have voted for. I had visions that I would be casting my vote while some bra-burning feminist was next to me and when they saw my finger going to find OBAMA, they would keep slapping my hand until I went back up to the C's before puncturing the chad. I wouldn't vote for her just because we both have vagina's...and certainly not just because she is a Democrat. Maybe it is just that every time I see her, all I can think of is Monica blowing her hubby in the Oval Office...nice. I will wait until after election day to let you know what my ballot says.

I went to the graduation of my beautiful, smart, funny and giggly 13 year old. I am so proud. She has overcome quite a bit of drama in her life and the whole time keeping her A's and B's in check. I wish that I could take the credit for any of it, but I can't. I have nothing to do with the woman she is becoming. Her mother has done an outstanding job at making sure that her self esteem remains high, something that as a former 13 year old girl, I wish I had then. Not that my mother didn't always tell me I was beautiful, but believing it for yourself is a different animal completely.

I am also attending, tomorrow, the graduation to Pre-K of my 3 year old girls. WHAT? The teacher told me last week that they are ready to move up already. They count to 40 or so, know all the letters, shapes, colors, etc... and Aliza is even learning how to read. I am blown away. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was lying on a table, having icky-sticky goo poured on my Orca the Killer Whale tummy and watching them move around inside me? It just doesn't seem possible. But, it is. Time has not stopped...although we all at one point or another pray that it would.

My son is also leaving 2nd grade behind and preparing for 3rd grade. He has even asked me what shoes we will buy him for 3rd grade. Whatever...we have a whole summer for his likes and dislikes to change. He is still brilliant and, at Open House, his teacher let us know that he is now doing some 4th Grade Math and 6th Grade Reading. In fact, at the Book Fair, he chose the Narnia set of books. Yes, that's right. I haven't even read all of those yet...but he has started. In the car, it is quite peaceful (yes, I said peaceful) to look over and see him reading a book. He looks excited about it. He loves to close it and then talk to me about what he just read. He is getting it and I am in awe of him. I always have been.

My sister, who I have not seen since 1989 is coming for a visit next week. There was a falling out back then and things were left on a sour note. However, since then we have talked and laughed and I have cried a lot for the horrible things that I did and said...and we are back to the road of being great friends. Along with her, her husband and 2 children are coming. I will be meeting my 2 nieces on Monday and I can't hardly wait. I am so excited. We will be doing some trips with our kids...Disneyland and other destinations of great fun and great expense. Still, I am anxious to see her again. My apartment is not completely ready. They will be residing with me for awhile and they are in for a big shock. First, the tv broke when we moved. There is no couch, only a few chairs. I am trying to get a dining room table from my Mom's back over to my place and make sure that the toilet paper holder and bath towel bar, both broken by the Genius in the former paragraph, are fixed. I should also get some food in the house, right? Whatever. Still, there is time....less than a week, but I will reach into the closet, put on that Wonder Woman costume and get it done.

My parents were robbed. Someone came in, during the daytime, and stole all of my mother's jewelry, cameras and other items. I was sick. Literally, I had stayed home sick and rushed over there when she called me. To think that someone came into my childhood home, without permission, went through their personal things and then took them....unacceptable. I wish that they were reading this. I believe in Kismet....I believe in Kharma....and not just the Chameleons, either. What goes around comes around...I have lived through it...will you?

My brother and his wife are going to be officially divorced soon. I am sad. Enough said.

My nephew, my first born nephew, is currently at Army boot camp. I am very proud of him for being mature enough to make the decision to serve his Country...OUR COUNTRY! The next time you see a service man or woman, tell them you are proud. Whether or not you believe that we should be in this war or not, they are protecting our honor. They are the one's fighting for us. I am happy he is on my side.

Ok. My hands are tired. I think that is it for now. I will try and keep this thing up, but with things currently all over the place and my head about the same, I am not sure I can promise you anything. I will however make this simple promise...I will talk to you again. For I do not write this Blog for me....I mean, I know how it ends. I write so that I can somehow release what is inside me without more medication. I write so that I can stir emotions...good or bad. Hell, if you get pissed off at me for saying something bad about President Bush, then so be it. I am free to say what I like here...I am safe here. Hidden away in my blogging bunker where the boogeyman cannot find me. So read it or don't. It is up to you because you can do what you want to, just the same. But, just so you know, I'm glad that someone is reading this. :)

After all...what would you do without me, right?

Mirth & Merriment...as always.

I'm Alive!

I am in a great mood. I am not sure why because as I ponder the weekend without money and less food in the house than a supermodel can even eat, I should be miserable. But, for some reason Casual Friday always lightens my spirits. I was told once that dressing up can make you feel more successful and able to take pride in yourself and your work. However, converse and jeans are what works for me. Being able to wear a concert t-shirt to work is HEAVEN! So, because I am in a great mood, I couldn’t think of one Daily Dose to give you…I thought of 3. I can’t decide, so I am going to make this “readers choice”. You pick your top 3 of one of the following subjects and let me have it.

Most Misunderstood Song Lyric
My Top Prize goes to “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” by AC/DC. As a child, I remember rocking out to this song and thinking that the title was “Dirty Deeds Dungeon Chief”. Yes, I do realize that it doesn’t make any sense, but I was 10, ok? Deal with it.

Favorite Line From A Movie
There are so many eighties Molly Ringwald movies that I could throw at you, but that has been done. I am, of course a grown up now, with real life movies that I prefer. However, just so you know if “16 Candles” is on, I watch it…every time! From the film “Little Children” starring Kate Winslet and the hot, hot, hot Patrick Wilson, Kate’s character is talking about the book “Madame Bovary”:

“No, no, it's not the cheating. It's the hunger.
The hunger for an alternative, and the refusal to accept a life of unhappiness.”

Favorite Breakfast Food
I love breakfast and as long as there is something in the house that I can eat or GOD WILLING, we go out to breakfast, I am a happy fat-girl! Let me tell you that I haven’t gone out to breakfast in over a year. There are categories that breakfast is broken down into: Fast Food, Homemade and Going Out. Here are some of my choices:

Fast Food- The blueberry French toast sticks at Jack in the Box are my thing. I don’t even use syrup. It’s delicious. I also like any breakfast sandwich from Jack.

Homemade- I make some killer Blueberry Pancakes. The kids love them and I can eat 4 or 5 of them myself.

Going Out- Any combo of eggs, potatoes, meat, salsa, cheese…onions! You get me? Scrambler or whatever you want to call it…just remember to call me for breakfast!

Mirth & Merriment. God! Now, I’m hungry!